A Milk In Time and Other Retarded Drabbles
by NearInsanity96
Summary: I can explain. Really. I used the drabble generator and this is what happened. What can I say? I was almost bored to tears...


**A Milk In Time**

On a yellow and rude morning, Mello sat in an igloo. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Near to love someone with a Shiny knee?

Huskily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a cheesy grimy bear, all on a summer's day. I wish my Near would jump me, in his own round way..."

"Do you?" Near sat down beside Mello and put his hand on Mello's head. "I think that could be arranged."

Mello gasped sadly. "But what about my Shiny knee?"

"I like it," Near said stupidly. "I think it's spiky."

They came together and their kiss was like a banana doing the funky chicken.

"I love you," Mello said skillfully.

"I love you too," Near replied and jumped him.

They bought an emu, moved in together, and lived happily ever after.

**The Stretchy Stranger**

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. L strode along the path, making for Hard Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Plucky Washington, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Lung.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his disgusting rum just in time to face the sexy man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck frustratedly, and L barely raised his rum to meet the attack. They fought long and angrily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, L found himself forced to one knee, the man's rum pressed to his green leg. "I am Raito of Hard Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Plucky Washington. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in an aquarium."

But L had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his rum with a twist, overpowered Raito and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" L said, looking down upon him.

Raito's kidney shimmered like a potato being mashed. "I have underestimated you, L. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

L's desire was enflamed. His leg throbbed and all his thoughts were to punch Raito like a robot. L caressed Raito's gooey kidney and he responded. They came together happily, and their joining was as squared as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet potato!" L groaned and punched Raito as sadly as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," L said. "That's where I put the Plucky Washington for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed longingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their bruised love. "We will stay together forever," Raito said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Lung never got the Plucky Washington and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

**A Cuddly Day To Fap**

Misa stepped shoddily out into the purple sunshine, and admired Matt's eyelash. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a webbed sight."

Matt climbed off the porn and walked lustfully across the grass to greet his lover. Misa patted Matt on the thigh and then tried to fap him huskily, but without success.

"That's all right," Matt said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not pretty," Misa. "Not as pretty as the time we fapped on a stick."

Matt nodded sexily. "We were plumpy back in those days."

"Our stomachs were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Misa said. "Everything seems green and patched when you're young."

"Of course," Matt said. "But now we're pasty, we can still have fun. If we go about it scaredly."

"Scaredly?" Misa said . "But how?"

"With this," Matt said and held out a jumpy banana. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fap."

Misa swallowed the banana at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fap scaredly. They fapped like a block of cheese that grants wishes. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

**I'm Dreaming Of A Delicious Christmas**

It was Christmas Eve. Naomi sat lustfully in a tree, sipping cheesy eggnog.

She looked at the mashed jam hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, B.B had hung it there, just before they looked at each other happily and then fell into each other's arms and killed each other's toe.

If only I hadn't been so bloody, Naomi thought, pouring a burnt amount of rum into her eggnog. Then B.B might not have got so creamy and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a milky tear and held her tongue in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a gummy voice lifted sarcastically up in song.

_I'm dreaming of a delicious Christmas_

_Just like a jar of jam that looks like blood_

Naomi ran to the door. It was B.B, looking sticky all over with snow.

"I missed you sexily," B.B said. "And I wanted to kill your toe again."

Naomi hugged B.B and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," B.B said.

"I think so too," Naomi said and they killed each other's toe until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted tiger throat and lived sinfully until Naomi got drunk again


End file.
